Just Killed Another Fashion Model, It’s A Mild Day: The ‘Monster’ Video Has Arrived

Warning: video will probably be deleted in like five seconds.

First things first (I’ll eat your brains… sorry), this is not quite the finished video yet. Second things second, this isn’t the classic I was hoping for. It’s no ‘What It Feels Like For A Girl’ or ‘Thriller’ or even a ‘Work’ by Ciara (which was absolutely a classic video and I’ll hear nothing to the contrary), but it does succeed on a number of levels. Here they are.

Level 1: Giving Nicki Minaj Something Amazing To Do

It is a known fact that Nicki’s verse on ‘Monster’ is the best part of the song and praise Kanyesus because it’s the best part of the video too. It seems like Monster Nicki has captured her Pink Girly counterpart, which is an interesting concept that also got played out on her album track ‘Dear Old Nicki’. What follows is DOUBLE THE NICKI, which could never be considered a bad thing.

Level 2: Possible Unintended/Subtle Humour

I thought Kanye moving the hands of the dead models he’s in bed with was a funny touch but maybe it wasn’t intended that way – and of course, there is always Nicki’s facial expressions.

Level 3: Everybody Is In It

How terrible would it have been if Jay-Z couldn’t do it or something and they had to do something else while his verse was on? Even Rick Ross is here and he only has four lines.

Level 4: The Atmosphere Fits The Song Perfectly

‘Monster’ was one of my songs of the year so it would have been disappointing to see them get the video wrong, but they did a very good job of complementing the track and all the things that made it so great. This is such a visual song, and I’ve been pretty much seeing a fake video in my head for the past few months while listening to it, and this video is fairly close in terms of look and feel to what I felt the video should be like.

Level 5: We Get Close-Ups Of Kanye’s Diamond Teeth

One day I’ll have diamond teeth, until then I can print out a screenshot of Kanye’s mouth and glue the bit of paper the screenshot is printed on to my own teeth. Raaahhhh, I’mma a motherfucking… weirdo.

Quotation Quorner: Cher

“J.Lo and Britney and all those girls, you know… anyway, if you wanna know the truth, why I wanted to make it so fabulous? I have a motive, okay. And that is, I thought, I’m gonna make this show so fabulous, and then I’m gonna say follow this, you bitches.

But I mean that with humility and love. You know how I am…

Okay so, ladies and gentlemen! And flamboyant gentlemen! Boys and girls and children of all ages! Welcome to the Cherest show on earth! And this is the official beginning of the Cher show right now, and follow this, you bitches.”

The 100 Best Songs Of 2010: #1. Take That – ‘The Flood’

from the album Progress

‘The Flood’ premiered around the time my family went on a little weekend away for my sister’s birthday, and I didn’t have any internet apart from on my phone, and you better know I loaded that shitty YouTube video and listened to the tinny, glorious LQ sound of ‘The Flood’ all weekend. I was just floored by how incredible it was, I mean I knew Take That were pretty good and I love Robbie Williams to death, but this? This is the best song of the year! I did not see that coming.

Choruswatch: this is also the most powerful chorus of the year. If you look up the word “epic” in the dictionary, you’ll find a little “play” button, and when you press it you hear ‘The Flood’. The instrumental section after the 3:30-or-so mark? Orgasmic. The first time we hear all five members singing together? Transcendant. The final choruses playing out over that breathtaking production? I’m shaking and crying here.

Just… wow. ‘The Flood’ is not only the best song of 2010 but one of the best songs I’ve ever heard.

The 100 Best Songs Of 2010: #2. Hurts – ‘Wonderful Life’

from the album Happiness

Sometimes ‘Wonderful Life’ sounds like a song about being down that actually feels up, and sometimes it sounds like song about being up that actually feels down. It’s like Christmas morning every time you press play – what emotion will I feel this time? What sounds will I notice and take away from this listen? Which interpretation will I have? I always say that I never care about the technical aspects of a recording – everything rests on whether it makes me feel something. In that respect, ‘Wonderful Life’ is a masterpiece.

‘Wonderful Life’ will surely be looked back upon as the most important song from Hurts’ debut album, their only single so far to go higher than number fifty (it hit twenty-one), and their mainstream breakthrough. At first the song feels like a transparent attempt to recall the emotional underground classics of the eighties until you realise that this song actually surpasses most of them. Then it becomes clear that, like the next single ‘Stay’, the reason the song sounds so good is nothing to do with the influences or the visuals or the video or how neat their hair is, it is all because this is the type of amazing pop songwriting that people think has been relegated to the past. The story told here, the vocal performance, the detailed production, the fact that nobody was too focused on the finer details to forget a massive chorus… sometimes I just sit and bathe in the reflected glow of ‘Wonderful Life’, one of the absolute classic singles of 2010.

The 100 Best Songs Of 2010: #3. Nicki Minaj ft. Sean Garrett – ‘Massive Attack’

The best use of a siren since ‘Ring The Alarm’ by Beyoncé and a frantic beat seemingly built for stobe lights, no song was more heart-poundingly exciting than ‘Massive Attack’ in 2010. If it were successful on the charts it would have been the Big Debut of Nicki Minaj but it was retconned into being a “buzz single” after it failed to take off – which is unfair because the song is her best so far. It didn’t deserve to be shoved off Pink Friday.

The first thing that caught my attention about ‘Massive Attack’ is that amazing hook provided by Sean Garrett, who also produced the song along with Alex Da Kid. Next was Nicki’s lyrics in the verses, which are just incredible. The one about Mr. Miyagi and the Phantom of the Opera gets me every time, as does the one about mango. The whole thing lends itself so well to repeated listens, because you keep picking up new little bits about the lyrics and productions that you didn’t notice the first 500 times. I’m still learning new things about ‘Massive Attack’ and I’ve overplayed it something chronic this year.

All this mixed with the video makes it easily one of the songs of the year, for me if not for the public. In a perfect world, though, this would have been Nicki’s commercial breakthrough.

The 100 Best Songs Of 2010: #4. Scissor Sisters – ‘Invisible Light’

from the album Night Work

Water in between drinks serves a purpose other than just giving the alcohol a break. There is a few seconds at the mirror where you can calm down, take a breath, get yourself together. Your hair is fucked but that’s to be expected, how long does it usually last anyway? Five, ten minutes? As you walk back into the crowd you pass the line of men waiting to use the bathroom.

“…sailors lust and swagger…”

There’s this wall of people you somehow have to get through on your way to your destination. Pushing past them is difficult but worth it. As the crowd gets harder and harder to get through, the bodies start to move with more direction and purpose. By themselves like Robyn or in a group like Ashlee Simpson’s friends in ‘L.O.V.E.’, everybody here moves together and alone at the same time.

“…this sparkling theatre of excess and strobed lights…”

The… atmosphere begins to kick in as you reach the floor.

“…painted whores…”

How much makeup do you have to be wearing for it to become a mask? Some of these women and men shouldn’t have bothered. We all know that once it gets dark and sweaty enough, everybody looks the same.

“…sexual gladiators…”

You’re making bets with your friends on whether the couple against the wall are two men or two women. On the other side of the room, a man and a woman start making out and you can see the gays beside them strike a comically disgusted pose. A hand might have brushed against your back before – on purpose – but you can’t be sure, and if you look back you might be confronted with an awkward situation, so you keep dancing and ignore it… unless it happens again.

“…fiercly old party children…”

Now you’re against the mirrored wall, alone but with everybody. The mirror was broken years ago, and you cut your finger badly that night, but it has long since been fixed and with your back to it, you spread your arms out behind you. The heat and the music and the people are all intertwined, feeding off each other, trading energy. You can’t feel anything and yet you can feel everything.

“…come to the light, into the light…”

Raise your head to the ceiling.

“the invisible light.”

The 100 Best Songs Of 2010: #5. Kanye West ft. Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj, Rick Ross & Bon Iver – ‘Monster’

from the album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

The best moment of Kanye’s stellar year, in a twist of cruel irony, had to be shared with others who almost steal his spotlight completely. Rick Ross appears first for a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo, in which he acts as a hype-man more than anything else, before making way for Kanye’s first verse. Kanye is above and beyond his normal level of greatness here, and it makes the fact that the song just gets better all the more exciting.

Jay is next, vicious as ever using his monster metaphors as much as possible, but we all know what’s coming next. Nicki. She steamrollers over everybody else in the song, almost making us forget that there were even other rappers on it in the first place. Every line is filled with this contagious energy, and as she reaches the end, she also reaches breaking point: “look at what you just saw, this is what you live for” – then, an ear-splitting scream – “I’M A MOTHAFUCKIN’ MONSTER!!!”

And she’s totally right, moments like that – and songs like ‘Monster’ – are what I live for.

The 100 Best Songs Of 2010: #10-6

MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

‘Oh No!’

from the album The Family Jewels

I don’t know how ‘Oh No!’ passed me by when I first got The Family Jewels, but when I saw the remix EP was cheap on iTunes I figured why not give it another chance, and holy Florence am I glad I did. Every line is another classic quotable quote from “TV taught me how to feel/Now real life has no appeal” to “I always feel like I’m the worst so I always act like I’m the best”, and the frantic, confused pace gives way to an explosive chorus. Her tale of struggling for success is an engrossing story that so many can relate to, and they say write about what you know – that’s what she’s done here. ‘Oh No!’ is, so far, the definitive Marina statement.

KELLY ROWLAND ft. DAVID GUETTA

‘Commander’

I’ve always loved poor old Kelendria Rowlandria, after all, she was the lead on the best Destiny’s Child song – ‘Bootylicious’, of course – and has released some wonderful singles over the years. ‘Stole’, ‘Work’, ‘Like This’, ‘When Love Takes Over’ have all had their place in my heart over the years, but in 2010 she delivered her greatest solo song yet: ‘Commander’. Controlling the beats and sending them spinning into all different directions with a yelp or a “DAAAAYNCE”, Kelly gives what could have been an overly clichéd club track a new lease on life, and when that chorus kicks in – she’s never sounded better or more confident.

KYLIE MINOGUE

‘Get Outta My Way’

from the album Aphrodite

Like Lisa Simpson’s dance teacher repeating “tappa, tappa, tappa”, I find myself repeating “chorus, chorus, chorus”. But really, the chorus is the heart of the pop song, the pinnacle, the peak, the moment in which a song can rise to another level or fall apart. ‘Get Outta My Way’ is one of those songs that would be pretty amazing anyway, but that chorus, my God! It fills my ears with joy like a thousand Christmases mixed with an orgasm mixed with that thrill I get when I see someone trip over. I don’t know what else to say, except that I worship at the altar of ‘Get Outta My Way’ and I think you should too.

KELIS

‘Acapella’

from the album Flesh Tone

Now this also boasts an amazing chorus, but in a very different way. Instead of being the climax, it is just another layer of the mini-symphony, and the genius lies in the way the chorus is woven in and out of so many other brilliant little elements. The lyrics, Kelis’ delivery, the relentless riff in the background, and that is without even thinking of the simple genius of the premise: “before you, my whole life was acapella”. If anyone has done that before I’ve never heard it and it struck me as incredibly fresh and original. Flesh Tone is a true classic and ‘Acapella’ is the album at the peak of its powers.

WILLOW SMITH

‘Whip My Hair’

Willow Smith: she whips her hair back and forth, she’s cooler than you, and her song was better than any of the songs released by all her – much older – female rivals this year (with the exception of one, which we’ll get to in a second). ‘Whip My Hair’ succeeds in every way: it’s catchy as fuck, it had a great video, it inspired an internet phenomenon, it sent pop music fans into a frenzy. Perhaps most importantly, ten-year-old Willow is never sexualised in any way: she’s ten and she’s singing about things ten-year-olds care about. She ain’t doing nothing wrong, so don’t tell her nothing. The fact that the song is so incredibly good just takes this over the edge. A novelty classic, or the start of a career that will last a lifetime? Only time (I knew Enya would show up in this list somehow) will tell, but for now we can just bathe in the glow of ‘Whip My Hair’ and all its greatness.

The 100 Best Songs Of 2010: #20-11

SCISSOR SISTERS

‘Night Work’

from the album Night Work

This album strikes a pretty good balance between fantasy and disappointing reality, and the opening track is the uplifting introduction a world that seems too good to be true. Using an extended clubbing-as-manual-labour metaphor, ‘Night Work’ slides along on a classic eighties riff and possesses perhaps the finest and most exciting chorus on the record, let alone those amazing lyrics. “You gotta keep on moving remember, this is what you asked for” – in the grand tradition of ‘Vogue’ and ‘Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough’, dancing in a club is no longer something you do for five minutes between drinking bitch beers and falling down the stairs – it is your duty and your calling.

NICKI MINAJ ft. EMINEM

‘Roman’s Revenge’

from the album Pink Friday

Oh god oh god oh god. This is the stuff dreams are made of. I get a small panic attack thinking about how much I love it. ‘Roman’s Revenge’ teams up the arguable king and queen of 2010: Eminem and Nicki Minaj, who morph into their respective alter-egos to provide us with the greatest song on Pink Friday. I could list all the best bits but I’d just be describing the song from start to finish. Of particular note are the video game sounds in the intro, the tension-filled stuttering beat, “rahh rahh, like a dungeon dragon” – oh look at me, I’m just describing the whole song. In conclusion, from the lyrics themselves to the way they are delivered with such force to Nicki’s spoken outro – everything about this is perfect.

KATIE MELUA

‘The Flood’

from the album The House

What a weird song this is. Produced by William Orbit but not sounding immediately “Orbit-ish”, ‘The Flood’ is the sort of ethereal oddball epic that leads people to screech “KATE BUSH” even though I can’t think of a Kate Bush song that really sounds anything like it. Featuring lyrics that I’ll pretend to understand and a soaring chorus that could not have been done justice by a lesser voice, ‘The Flood’ begins as a slow existential ballad, then shifts tempo to become almost a completely different song, then afterwards moves back to the style from the beginning, taking us on a little journey not unlike the musical equivalent of a fantasy film.

MICHAEL JACKSON & AKON

‘Hold My Hand’

from the album Michael

Like ‘You Rock My World’, this is one of those songs that would be number one for months if it were sung by anyone but Michael Jackson. Because the rest of his catalogue is filled with such classics, new songs that would be a dream for any new artist feel underwhelming coming from such a legend. Well sure, ‘Hold My Hand’ is really quite good, but it’s no ‘Billie Jean’, is it? Once we move on from the fact that very few songs are as good as ‘Billie Jean’, we can appreciate ‘Hold My Hand’ for what it is: a well-written and catchy R&B ballad sung by a great voice, with help from Akon, whom I don’t find as disgusting as I’ve found many other people do. I actually quike like him and his voice, so his contribution on ‘Hold My Hand’, while slightly unnecessary for a song that could easily have been done solo, gives the song just that little bit more of a kick. Either way this is the best pothumous Michael Jackson song yet.

CEE LO GREEN

‘Fuck You!’

from the album The Lady Killer

Like Motown in an alternate universe, ‘Fuck You!’ is a true classic masquerading as a novelty. Cee Lo plays our clearly hurt protagonist who hides behind big sweary outbursts instead of just accepting how upset he really is – until he breaks down halfway through, to hilarious effect. With a chorus like that, catchy and fun to yell at the top of your lungs, how could ‘Fuck You!’ have been anything less than brilliant? Instead of relying on the LOL HE SAID FUCK factor, what we have here is an expertly crafted song performed by one of the most talented vocalists I think I’ve ever heard.

HURTS

‘Stay’

from the album Happiness

Earlier this year I had to do an assignment on a new artist for my Music Business course, and I chose to analyse Hurts, and ‘Stay’ in particular. Of note was how incredibly dramatic the lyrics and production are, but all with a knowing glance to the camera, a little window in the fourth wall that tells us Hurts know exactly what they’re doing and why. Never innocent, always polished and calculated, the atmosphere and theatrics in ‘Stay’ are the key to the artistic success of the song, but you still get the feeling that a raw, stripped back version without the big drums and layered vocals may still be just as powerful. The best thing about Hurts is first and foremost the strength of their vocals and songwriting, all the rest is a bonus that takes things to another level – but the touchstone of all their work is still their talent.

KANYE WEST

‘Power’

from the album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

‘Power’ touches on so many hot topics from Kanye’s past: social injustice, paranoia, politics, how great Kanye is, how awful Kanye is, all the people who have offended him, the eternal struggle between his good and bad sides, and all with one of his most breathtaking productions. I can hardly believe how huge this all sounds, especially the centrepiece, which starts casually – “How ‘Ye doin’? I’m surviving” – and then leads into the beat dropping out ushering in that amazing King Crimson sample, then moving into what sounds like something from the Streets Of Rage Sega Genesis game soundtrack. An absolute blockbuster, ‘Power’ is superhero theme music at its finest.

KYLIE MINOGUE

‘All The Lovers’

from the album Aphrodite

Lyrically simple but surprisingly melancholy, ‘All The Lovers’ features an understated vocal performance which is framed by rich, gorgeous production and this overwhelming feeling that Kylie is growing up – I know she’s grown up before, but she’s still going – and moving on. From what? I’m not sure. But as she sings “all the lovers that have gone before…” you can feel the history in her voice, and it is a lyric that wouldn’t sound right coming from some fresh-faced Elixie DooLottle who just graduated from stage school. This is the type of pop song you need to be mature to deliver effectively, and as Kylie floats above the beat, preparing us for the orgasmic instrumental climax (the first part of the song we all heard, and also the best bit), it becomes even clearer why she survived in the industry against all odds: because she was never afraid to add extra layers, extra elements to what could have been an emotionally empty club track.

ANTOINE DODSON & THE GREGORY BROTHERS ft. KELLY DODSON

‘Bed Intruder Song’

Perhaps my favourite pop culture story of 2010 is the Ballad Of Antoine Dodson. After his sister was the victim of an attempted rape, Antoine was on the news to talk about the attacker and delivered a chilling threat: “He’s climbing in your windows, he’s snatching your people up, so y’all need to hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband, cos they’re raping everybody out here”. The hilarious nature of this mixed with his delivery made the video an instant viral hit, and when it was remixed by the Gregory Brothers, the whole thing reached a new level of fame, even making it to the Billboard Hot 100 and the BET Hip-Hop Awards. ‘Bed Intruder Song’ also happens to be one of the catchiest and most fun songs of the year, the original quote perfectly translated into autotuned bliss. It also has the bonus of being connected to a heartwarming story of something good coming from a bad situation. And call me crazy, but maybe there is more to ‘Bed Intruder Song’ than just being a fun remix of a viral video. There is – and stay with me here – a underlying sadness to the project (it was, after all, started off by an attempted rape) which is captured in the final line: “we don’t run around crying and acting sad, we just dust our shoulders off and keep on moving”, which reminds us that there are real people behind funny internet stories like this, and that not all of them are as lucky as this guy was.

NICOLE SCHERZINGER

‘Poison’

Who the fuck would have thought? With PCD dead are her solo career even deader, what was Nicole Scherzinger to do in 2010? Here’s what: rope in RedOne to give her his best non-Lady Gaga song ever, sing it like her life depended on it, and watch it become one of the best songs of the year. And suddenly, on the verge of 2011, Nicole Scherzinger looks like one of the most exciting things about the new year. There were few pop moments this year as invigorating as the desperate cry of “I got that poison! I got that poison!!” and even fewer songs that lent themselves so easily to repeated listens.

The 100 Best Songs Of 2010: #30-21

MICHAEL JACKSON ft. 50 CENT

‘Monster’

from the album Michael

There have been several attempts throughout Michael’s career to replicate or pay tribute to the song ‘Thriller’, from ‘Ghosts’ to ‘Is It Scary?’ to ‘Threatened’ and now to ‘Monster’, one of the best upbeat tracks from the new album. Clattering beats and random screaming give ‘Monster’ a frantic pace that is replaced by quieter R&B for the chorus. So even if it doesn’t get to ‘Scream’-levels of intensity, it is still very interesting and holds your attention for the full five minutes, especially when Michael throws in little nods to ‘Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin”, even if just for split-second. I’m a fan of 50 Cent but I didn’t expect his bit on ‘Monster’ to be quite as good as it is, and mixed with the incredible production for this specific verse, it is a more-than-worthy addition to a great song.

SCISSOR SISTERS

‘Fire With Fire’

from the album Night Work

I don’t get why this was apparently such a bad choice for lead single – there are better songs on the album, but ‘Fire With Fire’ is still 100% amazing and is especially great in terms of vocals and production, which give the song this joyous, epic feel. It doesn’t represent the overall feel of the album, but when you think of it as the “morning after” to the rest of Night Work, it makes more sense, and becomes a confident look to the future. “Tomorrow has become today…”

HURTS & KYLIE MINOGUE

‘Devotion’

from the album Happiness

Dear Weird Kylie,
Oh, my love, you don’t know how much I’ve missed you. I still listen to the songs you recorded while you were here with me and wonder what happened. I know you’re in a better place now and I feel selfish for wanting you to come back but it felt like those years were a secret between us, those that dismissed you were only missing out on your greatest work. I listen to your new material from places and mindsets far away from where we used to be, and although it sounds so good it will never be the same. Hearing you re-emerge so briefly on ‘Devotion’ has given me faith that one day you will return to me, and we will drown in odd hair colours, trip-hop beats, Nick Cave duets and singles with a chart peak in the low twenties.
Come back soon. All my love,
Richard.

KANYE WEST

‘Dark Fantasy’

from the album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Shivers. down. the. spine. “Can we get much higher?” – the most incredible thing is, yes, the level of sheer brilliance can get higher and does so on the rest of the album. But ‘Dark Fantasy’ is a perfect opening track, setting up all sorts of themes and moods that will be explored over the next thirteen tracks. There are choirs, nonsensical references to Celine Dion and Leona Lewis, and that incredible bit about the séance. Also, can we get Nicki Minaj to introduce every album from now on? That’d be great, thanks.

EMINEM

‘Not Afraid’

from the album Recovery

Imagine if this had been the lead single from Relapse. Of course, it couldn’t have been because it is effectively about Relapse, but what I’m trying to say is that ‘Not Afraid’ is exactly the type of massive comeback everyone wanted and expected from Eminem in 2009. In 2010, it still sounded exciting, and had an extra element of emotion to it after the last year of drama. ‘Not Afraid’ reminds me of ‘Like Toy Soldiers’, not just because of the marching band beat but because it holds a lot of weight on its parent album and has the sort of passion and intensity to it that made Eminem such a legend.

KELE

‘Tenderoni’

from the album The Boxer

I don’t know if the character sung about here is in the closet or just over-eager to prove his masculinity, but either way it makes ‘Tenderoni’ one of the most tension-filled, interesting love songs of the year, on a scale of complexity that makes ‘Love The Way You Lie’ sound like ‘Love Me Do’. There is the inaudible chorus, where words are rendered completely useless, so all it has to stand on is that unbelievably explosive beat. When you can hear the vocals – like on the vicious “you think you are one of them” leading into the fragile “don’t be so quick to pull away” – it adds yet another layer of paranoia and anger.

KELIS

’4th Of July (Fireworks)’

from the album Flesh Tone

On an album full of hands-in-the-air moments, ’4th Of July’ is the most breathtaking. The verses are purposely quiet and subdued so that when the beat drops out, Kelis can let loose. “NOTHAN, I EVA SAY OR DEW, WILL BE AS GOOOD, AS LOVAN YEW”. As hook gives way to hook after hook after hook, Kelis moves from enthusiastic to part of the background and back again, and when she sings “just like the sky, like the fourth of july”, the music explodes behind her just like – you guessed it – fireworks, but she acts as if it is the most natural occurence in the world.

M.I.A.

‘XXXO’

from the album Maya

I thought this was going to huge. Maybe not ‘Paper Planes’ huge but it surely should have hit the top ten. ‘XXXO’ was the proper lead single from Maya and features what it perhaps the biggest and most commercial chorus to be found on an M.I.A. song, not to mention the headphone-shaking beat that begs for repeated plays. It is sung as if it was being tweeted like tweety bird on an iPhone: “u wan me be sumbody who im really not”, and the approach to both music and lyrics is almost self-consciously modern and current. Ultimately this sort of thing wouldn’t suit M.I.A. all the time but on the disappointing Maya it was a ray of light.

MICHAEL JACKSON

‘Breaking News’

from the album Michael

This is ‘Tabloid Junkie Part II’, from the newsreader intro to the “eat it/feed it” lyric pairing, but with such a thrilling Dangerous-era production style, how could I judge it for being a bit unoriginal? Another track that could conceivably have been a hit for Michael if he were alive, ‘Breaking News’ rides along on stuttering beats lifted straight from 1991, and while it isn’t a classic by any stretch of the imagination it gets closer to it than basically all other tracks from Michael.

(Ten life points to whoever recognises where the headline in the banner comes from.)

RIHANNA

‘Man Down’

from the album Loud

Remember when Kelis told us in ‘Bossy’ that she rides the beat “like a bicycle”? This is what Rihanna does here on ‘Man Down’, the best song from Loud and one of the greatest achievements of her career. Her accent is brought to the forefront here, given time to run up and down the lyrics and the chance to show a side of Rihanna that has had precious little time in the spotlight. A ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’-style narrative makes up the lyrics, and as Rihanna tells us why she “shot a man down”, it emerges that there are all sorts of frantic explanations and internal arguments about what has just happened. From “I’d never thought I’d do it…” onwards we hear this jaw-dropping series of conflicting thoughts – “I am a criminal” could be bragging until we get to the desperate breakdown of “tell the judge please give me minimal” – and all with a delivery that I never thought Rihanna could pull off. ‘Man Down’ is a triumph in every way imaginable.