In boring news, ARIA have released their end of years charts for 2010, and there are few surprises to be had. Eminem and Rihanna had the biggest single of the year, and Pink took the number one album with Greatest Hits… So Far!!!, which I suppose is a bit surprising at first considering it hasn’t been out that long.
The top ten singles of the year:
1. EMINEM ft. RIHANNA – ‘Love The Way You Lie’
2. USHER ft. WILL.I.AM – ‘OMG’
3. TAIO CRUZ – ‘Dynamite’
4. TRAIN – ‘Hey, Soul Sister’
5. KATY PERRY ft. SNOOP DOGG – ‘California Gurls’
6. OWL CITY – ‘Fireflies’
7. RIHANNA – ‘Only Girl (In The World)’
8. BRUNO MARS – ‘Just The Way You Are’
9. KATY PERRY – ‘Teenage Dream’
10. USHER ft. PITBULL – ‘DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love’
I like maybe four or five of those songs, which is a pretty good result, I reckon. You’re never going to love every mega-popular song so I can console myself that I haven’t fallen completely out of touch with the record buying public.
The top ten albums of the year:
1. PINK – Greatest Hits… So Far!!! 2. SUSAN BOYLE – I Dreamed A Dream 3. EMINEM – Recovery 4. BON JOVI – Greatest Hits 5. SUSAN BOYLE – The Gift 6. LADY GAGA – The Fame Monster 7. ANGUS & JULIA STONE – Down The Way 8. MUMFORD & SONS – Sigh No More 9. MICHAEL BUBLÉ – Crazy Love 10. KATY PERRY – Teenage Dream
Pink has been in the top two albums of the year for five years running. Think about that for a second. Five years.
I only own three of these (Pink, Eminem, Gaga) and I might buy Teenage Dream if/when it gets a re-release, and one day I’ll buy the SuBo albums, so I’m counting this as an acceptable top ten. There are a few interesting placements a bit lower – Kylie at 55, Beyoncé’s two-year-old album at 61, The Essential Michael Jackson at 63 (and at number one on the catalogue chart), about twenty positions above Michael, which I’m surprised made it in at all after only a few weeks of muted sales. Pink had the biggest DVD of the year, Annie Lennox’s Christmas album is on the Jazz & Blues chart for some reason, and the Digital Chart track continues to be pointless considering physical singles haven’t made an impact on the proper chart for ages. There is no physical singles end of year chart because they probably struggled to find 40 physical singles that were bought in order to make up a chart.
For the first time since 2006, the year she mostly spent pregnant, 2010 saw no singles, no albums, no videos and no tours from Britney. There was the appearance on Glee, and that’s pretty much it. This new year, however, promises to be a big one for her, and on the brink of her new single ‘Hold It Against Me’, I thought it would be nice to list 75 reasons (and we could easily list hundreds more) why The Legendary Miss Britney Spears is one of the greatest popstars in history. Think of it as a reminder, as if we need one.
1. Blackout
I will one day write a book about why Blackout is one of my favourite albums of all time but I’ll just sum it up in one word, which is an understatement: perfect.
2. This face:
3. This face:
4. ‘…Baby One More Time’, the video
My first memory of Britney Spears is seeing this video on TV, and not exactly feeling some sort of seismic shift in the history of pop but being generally impressed. It always stuck with me, I’ll always remember seeing it over and over and over again. ‘…Baby One More Time’ is still one of those videos that just glues you to the screen no matter how many times you’ve seen it.
5. ‘…Baby One More Time’, the song
Still an absolute classic.
6. She doesn’t talk down to an audience when being interviewed
Popstars like Madonna, Christina Aguilera and Lady Gaga – amazing as they all may be – have a tendency to go on long, boring philosophical, psychological monologues during interviews, but Britney talks like a normal person.
7. The bit in For The Record where she says “My name is Matilda”
8. The chair dance from the ‘Stronger’ video
9. This:
10. This:
11. Her pronounciation of “me” as “may”
12. The rapid-fire lyrics portion of ‘Me Against The Music’
13. This Rolling Stone cover:
14. The fact that the Circus Tour came to Australia when certain other artists can’t be fucked
15. The fact that the Circus Tour was 100% amazing
16. The fact that I was the only person around me who knew all the words to every song AND I WAS RIGHT NEAR THE FRONT AND I THINK BRITNEY LOOKED AT ME ONCE OR IT MIGHT HAVE JUST BEEN HER FLICKING HER HAIR OMG OMG OMG
17. “Mah pussy is hanging out!”
18. “Merry Christmas!!!”
19. The weird way she says “groceries” in ‘Piece Of Me’
20. ‘Break The Ice’
Both the intro especially and the way it was rightfully released as a single even though there were more commercial, yet weaker, songs still left on the album.
21. ‘Gimme More’
Her second best song ever.
22. The kiss
Best kiss since the fake one in Michael Jackson’s ‘Remember The Time’ video.
23. ‘Touch Of My Hand’
My favourite masturbation ballad, and the Bill Hamel remix is mindblowing.
24. ‘Breathe On Me’
The spiritual sister of ‘Touch Of My Hand’.
The following album tracks for various reasons:
25. ‘Soda Pop’
26. ‘Toy Soldier’ 27. ‘Hot As Ice’ 28. ‘Anticipating’ 29. ‘Kill The Lights’
30. ‘Amnesia’
31. ‘Early Mornin” 32. ‘Girl In The Mirror’
33. ‘Autumn Goodbye’
A B-side that could easily have been a single.
34. The bit in Crossroads where Britney reads her poem
35. B In The Mix
This remix album is so strong that the only Britney albums that I like more are In The Zone and Blackout.
36. The Singles Collection
It isn’t perfect but it comes really close and whoever chose the tracklisting sure knows what Britney’s best singles were.
37. The Circus Tour set list
I like that Britney is clearly aware that some of her best songs are the lesser known ones, and including almost-forgotten gems like ‘Do Somethin” was awesome.
38. The first four songs on Blackout
The whole album is wonderful of course but those first four tracks are untouchable.
39. The fact that she’s only ever done two really stunning ballads (‘Someday (I Will Understand)’ and ‘Everytime’) yet those two are so good that they make up for all the crap ones
40. ‘The Chris Cox Megamix’
41. Her weird hand (that was later airbrushed out) on the ‘Circus’ single cover:
42. She doesn’t say bad things about other artists or try to put them down
43. Her hair
Even when it’s ratty.
44. ‘Toxic’
Overrated, yet still mindblowing. Not her best song but one of the best, ‘Toxic’ should be played at Pop Songwriting 101.
45. The ‘Toxic’ video
Of course.
46. The way she kinda says “yam” in the first sung line of ‘Overprotected’
The following photos of Britney eating:
47.
48.
49.
50. The way almost every song on Blackout has the word “Britney” in the lyrics, often multiple times
51. The little “ow!” in ‘Gimme More’
52. The Will & Grace guest spot
53. The Glee guest spot
54. The How I Met Your Mother guest spot
55. The fact that I don’t really like any of those shows but still watched because I had to see Britney
56. The rapid-fire dancing in ‘Me Against The Music’
57. “STAWP!” in ‘(You Drive Me) Crazy’
58. The interludes on the Oops! …I Did It Again album
“Did you guys kiss?!”
59. She’s one of the only artists ever to get Madonna to feature on one of their songs
60. At least 32 million albums shipped in the US alone
61. Three Billboard Hot 100 number one singles
62. Five Billboard 200 number one albums
63. 16 Australian top ten hits, including five number ones, three of which were consecutive
64. 20 UK top ten hits, including five number ones, including two seperate occasions where she had two consecutive number ones
65. This:
66. OMG Is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like?
67. “I smell your breath/It makes me cry”
68. She can still bring the pop community to a standstill with the mere hint of news
69. www.twitter.com/britneyspears
I love the way she signs off every tweet with “-Brit” as if she misunderstands the entire concept of Twitter. We know it’s you, Britney, that’s the whole point.
The following recent tweets:
70. On Boxing Day: “What’d everyone get? Anyone get a lump of coal? – Britney”
71. “PS – Star Magazine, Radar Online, Jason Alexander and the rest of you liars, Ya’ll can kiss my lily white southern Louisiana ass!”
No “-Brit” on that one so I’ve obviously got no idea who is saying what.
72. “I’m thinking about doing some Yoga this week. Let’s get spiritual! -Brit”
73. This:
74. ‘Everytime’
Britney’s best song and one of the best songs ever recorded.
