Meanwhile In Louisiana

*RANG RANG*

“WHAT’S UP Y’ALL”

“Er, yes, may I speak to Miss Britney Spears, please?”

“It’s me! Is that you Chrissy?”

“Yes Britney it’s me, Golden Globe nominee Christina Aguilera. Listen I just-

“How have you been?! Sorry about the divorce and all that, but I saw your new movie the other day! You were great as the aging club owner.”

“What?”

“Anyway Britney I just wanted to congratulate you on your new single, it sounds great.”

“Aw, thanks y’a-

“So who produced it? Like, I’m probably going to focus on films for the next few years so I’m not asking so I can work with them, I was just interested because it sounded so much better than your last single. Oh wait a second before you tell me just let me get a pen.”

“Well, at first I worked with Starbo Hoopenloffer, who is like really hot right now and worked with Katy Perry and Rihanna, then I was writing with Yosemite Radishini, who wrote ‘Fuck You’ for Cee Lo, and we put the two together and took it to Xonius V, this really hot underground New York producer who put the finishing touches on the song.”

“Starbo, Yosemite, Xonius… oh yeah I know all those guys. Anyway, I must be off, I think Cher or Madonna or another one of my fellow legends is at the door. Goodbye Britney.”

*CLICK*

Meanwhile In France

*RINGGGGG RINGGGGGALIIIING*

“Arena residence, where real music reigns supreme”

“OMG HEY!! It’s Dannii, from Young Talent Time!”

“Oh.”

“Just thought I’d call, it’s been forever! How is everything?! I see you’re still plugging away with the music career, #62 on the singles chart is good in this musical climate!”

“Yes, well, as good as that is I’m more of a mature albums artist now. Songs Of Love And Loss 2 went Gold, you know.”

“What’s that? Something about you being old? I’m sorry I can’t hear you very well, is there a problem with your line?”

“I think that might be my violin phone playing up, it was chosen due to the fact that I am a world class singer with world class talent and a violin is an instrument, like my world class voice.”

“Wouldn’t it have been more appropriate to get a microphone phone?”

“Are you there? Tina?”

“Why did you ring Dannii? Just to taunt my choice of novelty phone? Don’t you have a Clubland compilation to feature on?”

“I just rang to wish you a belated happy birthday! 43, I think? I always thought it was great that we’re such good friends despite how much older you are than me.”

“Hang on, there’s somebody trying to get through on the other line.”

“Is it your caree-

*CLICK*

“TIIINA!!!! HEYYY!!!”