The 100 Best Songs Of 2011: 30-21

30. BETH DITTO ‘I Wrote The Book’

I’m a moderate fan of Gossip, and I think ‘Standing In The Way Of Control’ and ‘Heavy Cross’ are amazing, but I didn’t quite expect the Beth Ditto EP to be such a mini-masterwork. ‘I Wrote The Book’, the heavily eighties influenced lead track, is Beth Dit going full pop, with slinky beats and her sexy vocal wrapping themselves around each other. “Remember I know every trick in the book”, she sings, her shakily defiant voice perfectly fitting the dark-back-alley vibe. The awesome ‘Justify My Love’-style video is the icing on the cake.

29. WILL.I.AM ft. JENNIFER LOPEZ & MICK JAGGER ‘T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever)’

OMG. I can’t explain how much I love this. Will is amazing. J.Lo is amazing. Mick fucking Jagger is amazing. The video is amazing. The beat, the lame one-line chorus, every ridonk lyric, all of it – amazing. “This beat is the shit – feces”. “I go hard – statues”. “I’mma go dumb, smart I am”. I love how Mick appears out of nowhere, and in the video, how he appears in outer space. I love “hard like geometry, trigonometry, this is crazy – psychology”. I love how this has divided everyone – you either think it’s ridiculously good or just ridiculous.

28. BRITNEY SPEARS ‘Inside Out’

Britney’s sexiest performance in years is captured on ‘Inside Out’, where she begs her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend to “turn her inside out” one last time before they break up. With ‘…Baby One More Time’ lyrical references and a slow-motion beat, Britney writhes her way through this song, switching from sexy to desperate and back with ease. If ‘Criminal’ had done better I expect this might have been a single, and it would have been a wonderful single indeed. When Brit yells “come on!”, she sounds, as Cher might say, alive again.

27. SNOOP DOGG & DAVID GUETTA ‘Wet’

The edited version of this song, ‘Sweat’ is alright, but there’s something about Snoop asking “tell me baby are you wet?” that makes ‘Wet’ a truly glorious club track. Guetta’s production is pretty standard but still fantastic, with the beat taking a backseat at all the right times and allowing Mr. Dogg to work his magic. One of the unsexiest rappers makes one of the sexiest tracks of the year. Pure filth, and pure joy.

26. ADELE ‘Set Fire To The Rain’

If Adele doesn’t do the next James Bond theme, it’s okay because she’s already done one in ‘Set Fire To The Rain’. A rolling, relentless epic, a power ballad from another planet, this fills your ears with all sorts of wonderful emotions and sounds, not least of which is Adele’s tremendous voice. More ‘Rolling In The Deep’ than ‘Someone Like You’, just when you think this can’t get bigger it surprises and goes further, and further, and further into OTT territory. And it sounds like heaven.

25. FRENZAL RHOMB ‘Knuckleheads’

I’ve always said that Frenzal Rhomb have a gift for melody that many in their genre simply don’t, and ‘Knuckleheads’ provides us with an awesome melody that is among their all-time best. Not just a triumph of mood-capturing instrumentation, this song is also steeped in a lot of anger, as shown by the lyrics. “And every time we meet it ends up in strife/You fucks have been my enemies my whole fucking life” – as a statement against judgemental bullies, this is much more important and believable than many of the mainstream be-yourself anthems released in the past few years. A great achievement for a very underrated Australian band.

24. DOLLY PARTON ‘Together You And I’

As bright as the sun and just as hot, Queen Dolly serves up another slice of joy with ‘Together You And I’, a pure and simple love song that strings together a glorious list of clichés to become the musical equivalent of a sappy chain email – and it’s beautiful. In her trademark country-pop style, Dolly’s unmistakable, undeniable voice sails through the heavens and down to us mere mortals, and she imparts her wisdom upon us. ‘Together You And I’ has everything you could want from Happy Dolly (I have a different set of requirements for Sad Dolly), and I challenge anyone with a soul to listen to this and not feel on top of the world.

23. KATE BUSH ‘Wild Man’

The music during the verses of ‘Wild Man’ might fool you into thinking this seven-minute track is one of Kate’s sunny midtempos. But the trepidation in her slightly sinister whisper might alert you that something else is coming – and that something else is the absolutely terrifying chorus. If I was a child I might never leave my bed after hearing this. I feel a bit creeped out just thinking about it. And yet this tale of a Bigfoot-type creature is still catchy, makes for a great single, and if Kate still did videos with her in them I could imagine her waving her arms around like a windmill in the snow with some guy dressed in a gorilla outfit.

22. RICKI-LEE ‘Raining Diamonds’

Where the fuck did this come from? Seriously, where? Ricki-Lee has done a grand total of two really great songs in the past (‘Sunshine’ and ‘Love Is All Around’) but ‘Raining Diamonds’ make the both of them look like a pile of puke. This is just… unbelievable. I can’t believe this is an Australian pop song from 2011. Even Kylie hasn’t released something as good as this is yonks. There’s nothing more to say. Ricki-Lee has changed the game. WAAAA-OHH-WOAAAAAH!!! WAAAA-OHH-WOAAAAAH!!!!

21. DARREN HAYES ‘The Siren’s Call’

I find it a bit mind-boggling that the type of song most writers would give their right arm for seem to just pour out of Darren Hayes. It’s in his blood to write sprawling epics like ‘The Siren’s Call’, the song that closes Secret Codes And Battleships. And while two very, very good singles beat it to being the best song on the album, ‘The Siren’s Call’ is still mighty impressive. The musical tapestry here is rich, with Darren’s voice occasionally making way for a hauntingly deep vocal sample, until the two join together in unison for one of the most powerful pop moments in recent memory. “I can almost taste happiness” – I can taste perfection Darren, and it’s here in this song (…and the two others we’re yet to reach).

The 23 Best Albums Of 2011: #15-#11

15. JENNIFER LOPEZ Love?

Jennifer Lopez has never been a major artist for me, although you don’t really remember how many amazing singles she’s had until you’re faced with her discography. 2011 saw her add three great new songs to that list – ‘On The Floor’, ‘I’m Into You’, ‘Papi’ – and her fun new album Love? also boasted massive album tracks like ‘Hypnotico’, ‘Invading My Mind’ and ‘Good Hit’. There’s not that much personality or individuality here, but that’s to be expected, and Love? turned out to be a feel-good, don’t-think-too-much smash hit.

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14. DOLLY PARTON Better Day

I saw Dolly Parton in the flesh. She was there, on a stage just metres away from me, singing the songs that have defined my life since I was a baby. Dolly. Parton. As the kids say these days, “OMG”. The Better Day Tour was the highlight of my existence and the album was a winner too. Life-affirming first single ‘Together You And I’ was pure and honest joyful noise, while ‘The Sacrifice’ and the title track showed of Dolly’s unbelievable voice and lyrical skills. The tour revealed ‘Holding Everything’ to be one of her most underrated recent songs, and all in all 2011 was one of the most triumphant years of Queen Dolly’s 200-year career.

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13. COLDPLAY Mylo Xyloto

One of my favourite pop bands, Coldplay sure do get a lot of hate that I struggle to understand. Their hooks are glorious, their songwriting at times fantastic and at times fantastically ridiculous, and they have a sense of grandeur that is sorely missing from many of their contemporaries. That massiveness goes into overdrive on Mylo Xyloto, their fifth album. ‘Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall’ and ‘Paradise’ have been the big hits so far, and they are some of the best singles released by anyone this year. ‘Princess Of China’, their colossal Rihanna duet, was a genre-defying slice of pure bliss. While it was no Viva La Vida, Mylo Xyloto proved the biggest band in the world aren’t running out of steam just yet.

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12. BEYONCÉ 4

Usually Beyoncé is immediate – ‘Crazy In Love’, ‘Single Ladies’, ‘Irreplaceable’, these are all songs which grab you on first listen. Perhaps to its detriment, 4 is very much an album that grows on you, and the lead single ‘Run The World (Girls)’ also takes a while to reveal itself as a little work of genius. ‘Countdown’, ‘Love On Top’ and ‘Party’ were all classic-sounding R&B numbers, while the flawless ballads ’1+1′ and ‘I Was Here’ made sure we never forget that Beyoncé can sing the wig off every other woman in the charts. While it’s not 4lawless, it’s not the 4lop many would have you believe.

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11. FRENZAL RHOMB Smoko At The Pet Food Factory

Since their 2003 masterpiece Sans Souci, Frenzal Rhomb have released music very sporadically, with 2006′s Forever Malcolm Young arriving as a slight disappointment with some truly great songs hidden in the mix. Smoko At The Pet Food Factory is a return to form, kicking off with the hilarious ‘Bird Attack’ and continuing with a blitz of quality material like ‘Cockroach Light Switch’, ‘Hungry Jacks Carpark’ and ‘Back To The Suburbs’. The blistering and melodic ‘Knuckleheads’ is one of my songs of the year and is the best representation of this record – the second best Australian album of 2011.

Album Review: Dolly Parton – Better Day

Although Dolly Parton has written some of the most heartbreaking songs of all time, on her last few albums she has been preoccupied with positivity. On Better Day, she expands on the modern country sound of previous album Backwoods Barbie and even exceeds it in some places, crafting a stronger, more unified work. Lead single ‘Together You And I’ is the backbone of the album and the very loose concept of just generally being nicer to everyone. And who better to lead us in being nice than the nicest lady who ever niced?

While Backwoods Barbie had a distinct pop sheen that reminded me of Dolly’s most commercial eighties recordings, ‘In The Meantime’ opens Better Day with a pure country stomp that reunites her voice with a song that wouldn’t have sounded out of place on the Thelma And Louise soundtrack – a very good thing in my book.

Dolly’s iconic (and I mean truly iconic) voice has changed, and it isn’t as pure as it once was, but being a little weathered doesn’t diminish the power and personality behind these songs. With such a huge catalogue, it’s easy to complain that the songs on this album don’t stack up to the classics, when that really isn’t the point. If I didn’t know better I’d believe songs like ‘Somebody’s Missing You’ and ‘The Sacrifice’ were singles from one of her late-seventies and eighties albums, they just have that classic feel without actually being classics. ‘Holding Everything’, a truly stunning track, would be all over country radio right now if it were by Lady Antebellum. At 65, Dolly Parton is still at the top of the pop-country game she helped to pioneer all those years ago.

The album cover is strangely dark but this album is up, up, up. While I often wonder when we’ll see her record her own Van Lear Rose (Dolly is approaching the age Loretta Lynn was when she made that masterpiece), Better Day is a wonderful bridge between the two worlds of country and pop that Dolly has always been torn between. Diehards will love it, while those who might not have heard a full Dolly album in decades might find it interesting to see how much has changed, and how much has stayed the same.

8/10

Single Review: Dolly Parton – ‘Together You And I’

There is a little bit of disappointment that comes with the release of ‘Together You And I’. The follow-up to 2008′s Backwoods Barbie, a stunning return to mainstream country, was supposed to be a dance album – even the title Dance With Dolly was doing the rounds. The old remixes of ‘Peace Train’ confirm that she could be a club diva if she wanted to be one, and while that would have been amazing, ‘Together You And I’ picks up where the last album left off. Thankfully, this is Dolly Parton we’re talking about, and everything has worked out fine.

The three years that seperated 2005′s Those Were The Days and Backwoods Barbie were the longest gap between studio albums since the start of Dolly’s career. Another three years have gone by and now that we anxiously await the new record Better Day, it is both comforting and a bit underwhelming to know that not much has changed in that time. ‘Together You And I’ doesn’t break new ground, and as a song it would fit right in on modern country radio. It is Dolly’s stunning voice that sets it apart from being merely average. Instantly recognisable, always emotional and never monotone, Dolly has always put everything into all her songs, from the big hits to the hundreds of deep cuts hidden in her vast discography. This is no exception.

I hope one day Dolly returns to less sunny material, as most of her greatest songs are about being angry or betrayed or desperate, but her latest reinvention doesn’t allow much sorrow. Still, ‘Together You And I’ is joyous, and if Better Day is similarly up I’ll be satisfied, because if she was pleading with Jolene all the time things would get tedious quite quickly. One of the few female country legends who are still in the spotlight on a regular basis, it would probably be beneficial for Dolly to vary her sound a bit more – but for now ‘Together You And I’ sounds bright and lovely, just like Dolly herself.

6.5/10

Mother’s Day Gift Idea: 101 Housework Songs – A Soundtrack For Suburban Hell

101 Housework Songs.

At my local K-Mart, a very depressing place where the shelves are almost bare and the cut-price easter eggs are plentiful, they seem to have ordered about 4000 copies of 101 Housework Songs. The “101″ compilation series is actually pretty good, especially their decade-centric sets. 5CDs full of actual hits for about twenty dollars. Barg.

However, this may be one step too far. Even the cover, depicting a washing machine, is annoying. The full tracklisting can be found here (and I suppose you could buy it there if you want), and it contains a few curiosities. I think the songs can be split into these categories:

Songs About Actual Housework Or Work In General:

Dolly Parton – ’9 To 5′
Donna Summer – ‘She Works Hard For The Money’
Rose Royce – ‘Car Wash’
Sheena Easton – ‘Morning Train (Nine To Five)’
John Farnham – ‘Sadie (The Cleaning Lady)’

So none of those are actually about housework but they are really the only songs out of 101 that would fit on a compilation specifically about work or menial stuff or cleaning or whatever.

Songs Of Female Empowerment:

Pussycat Dolls – ‘I Don’t Need A Man’
Kelly Clarkson – ‘Miss Independent’
Alicia Keys – ‘Superwoman’
Eurythmics & Aretha Franklin – ‘Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves’

Unfortunately these songs are placed alongside…

Songs About Being A Slave:

Britney Spears – ‘I’m A Slave 4 U’

Oh lord.

Songs About Sex That Happen To Reference Working So They Got Thrown In:

Kelly Rowland – ‘Work’

Songs From “Chick Flicks”:

LeAnn Rimes – ‘Can’t Fight The Moonlight’
Cher – ‘The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s In His Kiss)’

Presumably included so the lady (and let’s face it, this compilation assumes every single person doing housework is a lady) can think about how much more fun she’d be having watching a film rather than doing this fucking washing up.

Weird:

Marvin Gaye – ‘Sexual Healing’

“Gosh I’d much rather be having sex on this bed that I’m making.”

Another Inappropriate Song To Include Alongside ‘I Don’t Need A Man’:

Tammy Wynette – ‘Stand By Your Man’

“This compilation of housework songs sure does send out mixed messages about feminism.”

Songs That Have Nothing To Do With Housework At All, Not Even A Little Bit:

Pink – ‘So What’
Lady Gaga ft. Beyoncé – ‘Telephone’
Katy Perry – ‘Hot N Cold’
Almost every other song

“I’m so glad I paid twenty dollars for this collection of songs I could hear over and over if I just switched on my radio!”

Songs About Desperately Wanting To Do Something Else Other Than Housework:

Cyndi Lauper – ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’

“This song reminds me of how fun scrubbing the toilet is!”

Songs About Desperately Wanting To Take Control Of Your Destiny:

Talk Talk – ‘It’s My Life’

“Why does this housework CD keep reminding me how unfulfilled I am?”

Songs About Relationships On The Rocks:

Pat Benatar – ‘Love is A Battlefield’

“I hate my husband, I really do.”

Songs About Those Awful Men:

TLC – ‘No Scrubs’

“I don’t know what a scrub is but I don’t like it either, T-Boz! I’m throwing this fucking vaccuum and these fucking rubber gloves out the fucking window!”

Songs About How Great It Would Be To Have A Different Existence:

The Beach Boys – ‘Wouldn’t It Be Nice’

“IT WOULD BE NICE, BEACH BOYS. IT WOULD. I HATE MY LIFE.”

Songs About Roaring:

Helen Reddy – ‘I Am Woman’

“I’M TAKING THE KIDS AND GOING FAR FAR AWAY”

The Final Straw:

Bobby McFerrin – ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy’

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGH!!!”

Things To Look Forward To In 2011

2011 is here. We can now look back on 2010 and keep it forever in our hearts as the year in pop culture where, compared to 2009, nothing happened.

What do we have to look forward to now? Actually, it seems like a lot, and that’s just from the confirmed new projects coming from some amazing artists this year. Add in rumoured stuff and we’re on our way to a year of such astounding brilliance that it will never be surpassed and could not possibly disappoint. Here are some of the things that are coming in 2011:

THE GREATEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME (ACCORDING TO LADY GAGA)

Lady Gaga has really been hyping up her new album Born This Way, and I’ll be watching eagerly to see how this era is handled and how drastic the inevitable reinvention will be. What I definitely want from this era is

1. Amazing songs (duh)
2. New hair
3. No deluxe reissue eight months after the first release (unless it’s an old album + new album arrangement like The Fame Monster) but a remix/live album instead

‘Born This Way’ (the single) is out February 13 and the album follows in May.

HOLD IT AGAINST ME

Britney waves goodbye to every other pretender releasing an album in 2011

Best song ever or GTFO.

NEW ALBUMS FROM A WHOLE HOST OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF BRILLIANCE

Madonna, widely recognised as the greatest living pop artist on Earth, will release an album and even if it stinks I’ll be sure to fall over myself praising it to the high heavens. She should make sure that it is as good as the first album, Like A Prayer, Ray Of Light and American Life without sounding like any of those albums. She should get me to be executive producer. I’m unknown! I’m fresh (due to being unknown)! Someone get Guy Oseary on the phone immediately.

Pictured above with some other girl, Cher might just deliver her first album in a decade this year, and I really hope those rumours about it being a rock album are true. As amazing as her dance years were, I do not want her to come back with autotune at the ready because the sound she pioneered is now dated. What she needs is to remind people that she actually has one of the best voices in the history of pop. Stuff like ‘You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Me’ except with more guitar and less clothes.

The new Darren Hayes album will obviously be one of the best of the year.

Unless she gets pregnant, Beyoncé will probably release something this year, and considering that her albums have progressively gotten better, it should be very good indeed. Perhaps an image rehaul is in the near future, not because she needs it but because it’ll be fun? I propose she pulls a Melanie C, cuts off all her hair and releases a rock single. Actually please don’t let that happen.

Also returning after a whole decade (although it’s not like we haven’t heard from Gwen in that time), No Doubt have got me on the edge of my seat anticipating their new album. I’m really excited to see how they will fit into today’s music scene, as they seem like such a touchstone of the late 90s and very early 2000s.

I’m hoping for something in the range of “better than Volta but not as good as Homogenic“.

The new Missy Elliott has to be good, doesn’t it? It will be. I have faith. I have six years worth of pent-up faith.

Rihanna has released something every year since 2005 so I’m guessing that even if we don’t get a new studio album we will get one of the best greatest hits albums of all time, which is almost as exciting. I’m also seeing her live in a few months, so hurray for me.

THE JANET JACKSON TOUR/BOX SET

I will travel to any city in Australia to see Janet Privacy Control-Jackson when she does her Number Ones tour later this year, and the prospect of a box set is looking very real too. You know what would be great in addition to the box set? Remastered albums. Including the first two. Just imagine how great that would be.

THE DOLLY PARTON TOUR

The messiah is likely to tour Australia this year and I’m so excited that I might collapse.

QUEEN GETS THEIR CATALOGUE REISSUED

I’m finally going to expand my Queen collection beyond the three hits albums!

THE KYLIE MINOGUE ACOUSTIC ALBUM

Kylie Minogue‘s voice just gets better and better and hopefully this planned album of stripped down hits will send her in a quieter, darker direction. I want another Impossible Princess except completely different but kinda the same, dammit!

SOME MICHAEL JACKSON THING

I’m sure there’ll be a new Michael Jackson project this year, and if I may, I shall propose the following ideas:

1. The full ‘Ghosts’ video on DVD
2. Any tours or shows that were filmed to an acceptable standard released on DVD, especially the Bad and HIStory tours
3. An American release of the Moonwalker DVD, which the rest of the world has had for a few years now
4. Remastered and expanded versions of at least Off The Wall, Bad and Dangerous, a bit like Thriller 25 but no new collaborations. Feel free to also remaster and expand the other Epic albums but that probably won’t happen (yet).
5. A straight-up demo collection rather than another album like Michael (which I still think was great)
6. A re-release of the Moonwalker arcade game

THE RETURN OF GIRLS ALOUD

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP *sticks fingers in ears* IT WILL HAPPEN IT WILL LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU

(And if it doesn’t happen, there’s always the Nicola album)