The 15 Best Remixes Of 2011

Many of these songs are in my proper tracks of the year countdown, so here’s a no-frills look at the very best remixes of 2011.

15. YOKO ONO Talking To The Universe (Ralphi Rosario Vocal Mix)
14. DARREN HAYES Talk Talk Talk (Out Of Talk) (Hall & Oates Mix)
13. KE$HA Blow (Cirkut Remix)
12. LADY GAGA Judas (Goldfrapp Remix)
11. NICOLA ROBERTS Beat Of My Drum (Loverush UK! Radio Mix)

10. EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL Missing (Fedde Le Grand Remix – Radio Edit)
9. DAFT PUNK The Grid (The Crystal Method Remix)
8. YOKO ONO Move On Fast (Rich Morel Vocal)
7. KYLIE MINOGUE Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love) (Pete Hammond Radio Edit)
6. ADELE Set Fire To The Rain (Moto Blanco Edit)

5. BRITNEY SPEARS ft. NICKI MINAJ & KE$HA Till The World Ends (Femme Fatale Remix)
4. HURTS Sunday (Seamus Haji Remix – Radio Edit)
3. KELLY ROWLAND ft. LIL’ WAYNE Motivation (Diplo Remix)
2. MICHAEL JACKSON Hollywood Tonight (DJ Chuckie Radio Edit)

1. DARREN HAYES Black Out The Sun (7th Heaven Club Remix) 

The Top 16 Reissues/Compilations/Remix/Live/Other Albums Of 2011, 5-1

5. KYLIE MINOGUE Aphrodite Les Folies: Live In London

Aphrodite Les Folies was the EVENT OF THE YEAR (other events of the year: Janet’s The Midsize Venue Tour and Dolly Parton live) and as with her past few tours we’ve been given a live album/DVD to savour the experience for years to come. The visuals were of course a defining moment in the history of human sight but the cavalcade of hits and fan favourites (‘If You Don’t Love Me’!) complemented selections from Aphrodite perfectly and Kylie’s vocals were at the top of their game. Of particular note is the stunning cover of ‘There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart)’ – beautiful. If it wasn’t for the entire Impossible Princess era, this show might be the greatest achievement of Kylie’s whole career.

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4. THE BEACH BOYS The Smile Sessions

The most famous bootleg album of all time was finally unleashed in 2011. Sort of. This is the closest we’ll ever get to hearing the album as it would have been, and it sounds glorious. Everything that represents classic Beach Boys is here: excellent songwriting, those floating, impossible layers of backing vocals, and visionary production techniques. This music coupled with the lavish packaging – my copy came with a button for fuck’s sake – meant that while The Smile Sessions fell just short of being the best archival release of the year, it was still the one created with the most love.

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3. MICHAEL JACKSON Immortal

Yes! I’ve been wanting a Michael Jackson remix/mash-up album ever since the beginning of time and now it’s here and it’s amazing. Mixing hits from the Jackson 5 and Jacksons days right up to underrated latter day work (I cannot believe ‘Little Susie’ and ‘Threatened’ got a look-in), this soundtrack to the Cirque Du Soleil stage show sounds like a memento from an alternate universe where Michael decided to blend all his greatest hits together and embark on the greatest tour of all time. What we have in this universe is slightly less exciting, but absolutely wonderful for what it is.

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2. PHIL SPECTOR The Essential Phil Spector

This spot on the list represents the following catalogue releases of 2011:

Phil Spector – Wall Of Sound: The Very Best Of Phil Spector
Darlene Love – The Sound Of Love: The Very Best Of Darlene Love
The Ronettes – Be My Baby: The Very Best Of The Ronettes
The Crystals – Da Doo Ron Ron: The Very Best Of The Crystals
Phil Spector – The Philles Album Collection

All of these releases – along with The Essential Phil Spector - drew from the same pool of complete and utter genius, and no matter which configuration you may have bought these legendary songs in, they sound out of this world every time. The Essential is the pick of the bunch because it packs the most pop history into its two discs. From ‘To Know Him Is To Love Him’ to ‘He’s A Rebel’ to ‘River Deep – Mountain High’, these recordings are stone cold classics. Mandatory listening.

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1. KATE BUSH Director’s Cut

What a shock! Kate “Divine Goddess Of Planet Earth” Bush generously decided to bestow two albums upon us this year, and the first was Director’s Cut, a selection of songs from 1989-1993 that have been re-recorded. The single ‘Deeper Understanding’ – one of the most underrated songs of her career – was a stretched out, spacious reworking, and one that proved to be controversial due to Kate’s use of a vocoder to represent the voice of a computer. Elsewhere on the collection, ‘This Woman’s Work’ and ‘Moments Of Pleasure’ were given beautiful makeovers, ‘Never Be Mine’ revealed itself as a forgotten classic, ‘The Sensual World’ became ‘Flower Of The Mountain’ and ‘Rubberband Girl’ was transformed into a not-quite-amazing rock song. But that last one was the only version to really miss the mark, making Director’s Cut one of the most enjoyable albums of the year.

I’m Not Interested In Fitting In: 6 Songs That Should Appear On Kylie’s Anti-Tour

Kylie Minogue has been saying for a while that she’s going to go on what she calls an Anti-Tour, which will feature obscure songs from her back catalogue that would never make it into one of her spectacular, hit-filled regular tours. Last night on Twitter she asked for song suggestions and I went a bit mad, throwing out everything from Butterfly to Chiggy Wiggy. But here are six songs she really needs to bring back to life.

‘Things Can Only Get Better’ (1990, Rhythm Of Love)

One of my favourite vocal performances from Kylie’s PWL years was on ‘Things Can Only Better’, which would have been an obvious single if the actual singles from Rhythm Of Love hadn’t been so impossibly strong. The backing track was a harder twist on her earliest work and as I said, the vocals were a showcase for a newfound maturity. Just as good – if not better – than many of her singles, ‘Things Can Only Get Better’ remains an obscurity that sounds like a number one. It needs to be heard!

‘Some Kind Of Bliss’ (1997, Impossible Princess)

Criminally underrated and almost entirely forgotten by anyone but the diehards, ‘Some Kind Of Bliss’ was the lead-in single for misunderstood masterpiece Impossible Princess. The chorus is one of Kylie’s greatest and most carefree moments, and this was the most exciting point in her career. As evidenced by the performance on the Intimate & Live tour, this is perfect for (what I assume would be) the atmosphere of the Anti-Tour.

‘Difficult By Design’ (2000, Hits+)

A very nineties sounding outtake that turned up on the excellent indie-years compilation Hits+, ‘Difficult By Design’ could receive an epic live makeover, and listening to it now I realise how similar it is to ‘Things Can Only Get Better’ – a mash-up would be orgasmic. I suspect it might not have made an album due to sounding too much like an SAW song, so oddly it fits in more with current Aphrodite Kylie than nineties Kylie. Either way it’s fantastic.

‘Where Is The Feeling?’ (1994, Kylie Minogue)

I imagine this would make an amazing opening song, with Kylie appearing out of some sort of ridiculous contraption (rising up from the depths of the underworld or something) and reminding everyone just how strange and amazing it is. The layered vocals would require multiple Kylies – I would like this to be done either on video screens or with actual literal multiple Kylies. Come on, you’ve got the money, let’s make it happen.

‘Sometime Samurai’ (2005, Towa Tei’s Flash)

I would also like ‘GBI’ to make an appearance because it’s one of the best things to ever happen. ‘Sometime Samurai’, the second Towa Tei collaboration, is a great laidback, light moment in Kylie’s discography that easily slipped under the radar for everyone outside Japan. Will obviously need to be sung in a geisha costume.

‘This Girl’ (2000, Hits+)

This is the song I want to hear most. Another one from the + section of Hits+, ‘This Girl’ is simply one of the best Kylie Minogue songs, obscure or not. Featuring one of her strongest melodies and excellent lyrics, it would be criminal for ‘This Girl’ to remain one of her least-known songs. Shit, she should put it on her next best-of, it’s that good. If she does this on the Anti-Tour I will explode with joy.

Now don’t get me started on what we need to hear when Dannii does an Anti-Tour!

Single Review: Kylie Minogue – ‘Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love)’

Isn’t it weird that ‘Put Your Hands Up’ is the weakest, lowest-profile single from Aphrodite, yet it’s the second most successful from the album in the Australian chart? I suppose that’s the power of the Aphrodite tour, but it really says more about how underpromoted all these singles have been. When number 50 is impressive, there’s a problem. Anyway, the crap performance of the Aphrodite singles will surely enter into Kylie legend, alongside the “failure” of X and the endless debate over which segment of her career has been the best (1994-1999 is the obvious correct answer).

I feel like I’m being a bit harsh on this song but even though the last few weeks have been a constant high thanks to the transcendant Les Folies tour, I can’t pretend I like ‘Put Your Hands Up’ any more than I do. It’s a good song, perhaps even a great one if I’m in the right mood, and it’s a nice throwback to the PWL sound – emphasised by the retro Pete Hammond remix. But the problem is, ‘Put Your Hands Up’ is more ‘Never Too Late’ than ‘Better The Devil You Know’: a simple, fun pop song rather than a monster. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course, but still. I would have preferred ‘Aphrodite’ as the final single (maybe it still will be).

This probably would normally have been about a 6, but I’m adding an extra point for the retro mix and the tour performance. Also helping it in my mind is the huge digital campaign and limited Australian physical CD. A good Kylie single but not one we’ll be talking about years from now.

7/10

Just Give Me A Little Bit More: Kylie’s Expanded Aphrodite Tour Edition

To add to the excitement of Kylie’s Australian tour (I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that I saw her last Friday), we get a three-disc tour edition of Aphrodite, an album that I wasn’t so sure about last year but have grown to love over time. After the underwhelming tour edition we got for X, everything about this package is bigger and better – the remixes are much more exciting, the packaging is nicer and we even get a megamix disc. A megamix disc!

Of course the album itself is still the main draw, and it ranges from obviously huge pop moments like ‘All The Lovers’ and ‘Get Outta My Way’ to songs that take a while to click like ‘Better Than Today’, to songs that only came alive for me during the tour, like ‘Cupid Boy’, which I can’t believe I dismissed when I first heard the album. Song for song it may not match up but overall, as an album, it is a much better listening experience than previous record X.

The mixes for Aphrodite have been outstanding and a lot of the best ones are included on the first bonus disc. The retro Pete Hammond mix of ‘Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love)’ is a highlight, as is the WAWA & MMB mix of ‘All The Lovers’ and the Bimbo Jones ‘Better Than Today’. I would have switched the ‘Cupid Boy’ Stereogamous Vocal Mix for the dub that is included and I’d have also included the SDP or 7th Heaven mixes of ‘Get Outta My Way’ – but this is nitpicking. (More nitpicking, though – is my copy missing a booklet?)

The megamix is a lot of fun though for some reason I was under the impression it would include some older Kylie tracks. Instead it stands as a summation of the previous disc full of remixes, and Denzal Park has done a great job of capturing and enhancing the “up” atmosphere that has surrounded the whole Aphrodite campaign. Clearly with this and the upcoming super deluxe Goddess edition, it has dawned on Team Kylie that in order to stay at the top of their game, more creative methods for selling her music need to be put into place. Kylie has some of the most loyal fans in pop and it’s nice that there isn’t a “they’ll buy anything” attitude – packages like the Aphrodite tour edition give the diehards something really excellent and worthwhile to spend their money on.

Live Review: Kylie Minogue, Brisbane Entertainment Centre, Friday 3/6/11

 

This is what my top five artists of all time looks like:

1. Michael Jackson
2. Madonna
3. Kate Bush
4. Prince
5. Kylie Minogue

Should we assess the live performance situation? I’ve heard that Michael Jackson is no longer touring. Madonna hates Australia for some reason. Kate Bush hasn’t been seen in public since 1979. Prince hasn’t been here in ages. So that leaves Kylie Minogue, who has toured at least four times since I’ve been a fan but each time I’ve been unable to go. Until now.

The fact that she tours Australia extensively is not the only thing that sets Kylie apart from my other favourite artists. My fandom for her is different, in a way. It might be because she’s Australian and it might be because she acts and looks like a human being, but I feel like we can relate to Kylie in a way that few other popstars ever allow. As a personality, she is perhaps my favourite celebrity ever. Who has ever been offended or put off by something Kylie has said or done? Nobody. And on top of being super nice, she has consistently put out amazing music for almost 25 years.

Kylie has also just been a general part of Australian life for me. Simply always there, like her former show Neighbours, or John Farnham, or Pink (who has been touring Australia non-stop since 1983 and is now Deputy Prime Minister). The first music video I ever remember seeing on the ABC video show Rage was ‘Did It Again’, when I was seven years old. When I joined a theatre group later that year, the first song we learnt was ‘Step Back In Time’. My aunt had the 1994 album Kylie Minogue and that was how I discovered my favourite Kylie song, ‘Confide In Me’.

And now, so many years after discovering her, I got to see Kylie live, on the spectacular tour in support of her album Aphrodite. I waited for five and a half hours in line to guarantee a spot at the barrier – I was not going to allow my Kylie experience to be hindered by anything as silly as people standing in front of me. During the opening numbers I could hardly process the fact that Kylie Fucking Minogue was standing before me. Holy shit. Hooooly shit.

I tried to avoid major tour spoilers but I did check that she was going to do ‘Confide In Me’ and ‘Better The Devil You Know’, which are the two Kylie songs I’ve always known I had to see live one day. The other selections from her back catalogue ranged from the obvious crowd-pleasers (‘Can’t Get You Out Of My Head’, ‘Love At First Sight’) to tracks like ‘The One’ and ‘What Do I Have To Do?’, which were only moderate hits but huge fan favourites. And then there was her stunning cover of ‘There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart)’ and the obscure ‘If You Don’t Love Me’, which continued the tradition of Kylie including some rarities or unexpected covers in her live shows. There was nothing in the setlist from Impossible Princess or Let’s Get To It, but I can deal with that because as much as I love them, they are the two black sheep of her discography. Kylie’s vocal performances were amazing, and it still surprises me just how strong she can be, especially when she has a reputation as a subtle vocalist.

Visually the show was just awe-inspiring, as everybody has said over and over again. ‘All The Lovers’, water jets and all, was without a doubt one of the greatest live performances I have ever seen, in person or on video. If I wasn’t so busy freaking out at the spectacle I may have shed a tear or two.

I tend to say this after every tour I see, but this may just be the greatest show I have ever seen, and I really mean it this time. To illustrate my ascension to heaven thanks to Kylie, I leave you with this photo of me, taken by my friend Anthony, who was across the catwalk in the Splash Zone.

You know that I’m magical 
I am the original 
I am the only one 
To make you feel this way

The End Of Year ARIA Charts Are Here! Let’s All Look Interested

In boring news, ARIA have released their end of years charts for 2010, and there are few surprises to be had. Eminem and Rihanna had the biggest single of the year, and Pink took the number one album with Greatest Hits… So Far!!!, which I suppose is a bit surprising at first considering it hasn’t been out that long.

The top ten singles of the year:

1. EMINEM ft. RIHANNA – ‘Love The Way You Lie’
2. USHER ft. WILL.I.AM – ‘OMG’
3. TAIO CRUZ – ‘Dynamite’
4. TRAIN – ‘Hey, Soul Sister’
5. KATY PERRY ft. SNOOP DOGG – ‘California Gurls’
6. OWL CITY – ‘Fireflies’
7. RIHANNA – ‘Only Girl (In The World)’
8. BRUNO MARS – ‘Just The Way You Are’
9. KATY PERRY – ‘Teenage Dream’
10. USHER ft. PITBULL – ‘DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love’

Full top 100

I like maybe four or five of those songs, which is a pretty good result, I reckon. You’re never going to love every mega-popular song so I can console myself that I haven’t fallen completely out of touch with the record buying public.

The top ten albums of the year:

1. PINK – Greatest Hits… So Far!!!
2. SUSAN BOYLE – I Dreamed A Dream
3. EMINEM – Recovery
4. BON JOVI – Greatest Hits
5. SUSAN BOYLE – The Gift
6. LADY GAGA – The Fame Monster
7. ANGUS & JULIA STONE – Down The Way
8. MUMFORD & SONS – Sigh No More
9. MICHAEL BUBLÉ – Crazy Love
10. KATY PERRY – Teenage Dream

Full top 100

Pink has been in the top two albums of the year for five years running. Think about that for a second. Five years.

I only own three of these (Pink, Eminem, Gaga) and I might buy Teenage Dream if/when it gets a re-release, and one day I’ll buy the SuBo albums, so I’m counting this as an acceptable top ten. There are a few interesting placements a bit lower – Kylie at 55, Beyoncé’s two-year-old album at 61, The Essential Michael Jackson at 63 (and at number one on the catalogue chart), about twenty positions above Michael, which I’m surprised made it in at all after only a few weeks of muted sales. Pink had the biggest DVD of the year, Annie Lennox’s Christmas album is on the Jazz & Blues chart for some reason, and the Digital Chart track continues to be pointless considering physical singles haven’t made an impact on the proper chart for ages. There is no physical singles end of year chart because they probably struggled to find 40 physical singles that were bought in order to make up a chart.

And there we go.

Things To Look Forward To In 2011

2011 is here. We can now look back on 2010 and keep it forever in our hearts as the year in pop culture where, compared to 2009, nothing happened.

What do we have to look forward to now? Actually, it seems like a lot, and that’s just from the confirmed new projects coming from some amazing artists this year. Add in rumoured stuff and we’re on our way to a year of such astounding brilliance that it will never be surpassed and could not possibly disappoint. Here are some of the things that are coming in 2011:

THE GREATEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME (ACCORDING TO LADY GAGA)

Lady Gaga has really been hyping up her new album Born This Way, and I’ll be watching eagerly to see how this era is handled and how drastic the inevitable reinvention will be. What I definitely want from this era is

1. Amazing songs (duh)
2. New hair
3. No deluxe reissue eight months after the first release (unless it’s an old album + new album arrangement like The Fame Monster) but a remix/live album instead

‘Born This Way’ (the single) is out February 13 and the album follows in May.

HOLD IT AGAINST ME

Britney waves goodbye to every other pretender releasing an album in 2011

Best song ever or GTFO.

NEW ALBUMS FROM A WHOLE HOST OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF BRILLIANCE

Madonna, widely recognised as the greatest living pop artist on Earth, will release an album and even if it stinks I’ll be sure to fall over myself praising it to the high heavens. She should make sure that it is as good as the first album, Like A Prayer, Ray Of Light and American Life without sounding like any of those albums. She should get me to be executive producer. I’m unknown! I’m fresh (due to being unknown)! Someone get Guy Oseary on the phone immediately.

Pictured above with some other girl, Cher might just deliver her first album in a decade this year, and I really hope those rumours about it being a rock album are true. As amazing as her dance years were, I do not want her to come back with autotune at the ready because the sound she pioneered is now dated. What she needs is to remind people that she actually has one of the best voices in the history of pop. Stuff like ‘You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Me’ except with more guitar and less clothes.

The new Darren Hayes album will obviously be one of the best of the year.

Unless she gets pregnant, Beyoncé will probably release something this year, and considering that her albums have progressively gotten better, it should be very good indeed. Perhaps an image rehaul is in the near future, not because she needs it but because it’ll be fun? I propose she pulls a Melanie C, cuts off all her hair and releases a rock single. Actually please don’t let that happen.

Also returning after a whole decade (although it’s not like we haven’t heard from Gwen in that time), No Doubt have got me on the edge of my seat anticipating their new album. I’m really excited to see how they will fit into today’s music scene, as they seem like such a touchstone of the late 90s and very early 2000s.

I’m hoping for something in the range of “better than Volta but not as good as Homogenic“.

The new Missy Elliott has to be good, doesn’t it? It will be. I have faith. I have six years worth of pent-up faith.

Rihanna has released something every year since 2005 so I’m guessing that even if we don’t get a new studio album we will get one of the best greatest hits albums of all time, which is almost as exciting. I’m also seeing her live in a few months, so hurray for me.

THE JANET JACKSON TOUR/BOX SET

I will travel to any city in Australia to see Janet Privacy Control-Jackson when she does her Number Ones tour later this year, and the prospect of a box set is looking very real too. You know what would be great in addition to the box set? Remastered albums. Including the first two. Just imagine how great that would be.

THE DOLLY PARTON TOUR

The messiah is likely to tour Australia this year and I’m so excited that I might collapse.

QUEEN GETS THEIR CATALOGUE REISSUED

I’m finally going to expand my Queen collection beyond the three hits albums!

THE KYLIE MINOGUE ACOUSTIC ALBUM

Kylie Minogue‘s voice just gets better and better and hopefully this planned album of stripped down hits will send her in a quieter, darker direction. I want another Impossible Princess except completely different but kinda the same, dammit!

SOME MICHAEL JACKSON THING

I’m sure there’ll be a new Michael Jackson project this year, and if I may, I shall propose the following ideas:

1. The full ‘Ghosts’ video on DVD
2. Any tours or shows that were filmed to an acceptable standard released on DVD, especially the Bad and HIStory tours
3. An American release of the Moonwalker DVD, which the rest of the world has had for a few years now
4. Remastered and expanded versions of at least Off The Wall, Bad and Dangerous, a bit like Thriller 25 but no new collaborations. Feel free to also remaster and expand the other Epic albums but that probably won’t happen (yet).
5. A straight-up demo collection rather than another album like Michael (which I still think was great)
6. A re-release of the Moonwalker arcade game

THE RETURN OF GIRLS ALOUD

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP *sticks fingers in ears* IT WILL HAPPEN IT WILL LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU

(And if it doesn’t happen, there’s always the Nicola album)

The 100 Best Songs Of 2010: #10-6

MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

‘Oh No!’

from the album The Family Jewels

I don’t know how ‘Oh No!’ passed me by when I first got The Family Jewels, but when I saw the remix EP was cheap on iTunes I figured why not give it another chance, and holy Florence am I glad I did. Every line is another classic quotable quote from “TV taught me how to feel/Now real life has no appeal” to “I always feel like I’m the worst so I always act like I’m the best”, and the frantic, confused pace gives way to an explosive chorus. Her tale of struggling for success is an engrossing story that so many can relate to, and they say write about what you know – that’s what she’s done here. ‘Oh No!’ is, so far, the definitive Marina statement.

KELLY ROWLAND ft. DAVID GUETTA

‘Commander’

I’ve always loved poor old Kelendria Rowlandria, after all, she was the lead on the best Destiny’s Child song – ‘Bootylicious’, of course – and has released some wonderful singles over the years. ‘Stole’, ‘Work’, ‘Like This’, ‘When Love Takes Over’ have all had their place in my heart over the years, but in 2010 she delivered her greatest solo song yet: ‘Commander’. Controlling the beats and sending them spinning into all different directions with a yelp or a “DAAAAYNCE”, Kelly gives what could have been an overly clichéd club track a new lease on life, and when that chorus kicks in – she’s never sounded better or more confident.

KYLIE MINOGUE

‘Get Outta My Way’

from the album Aphrodite

Like Lisa Simpson’s dance teacher repeating “tappa, tappa, tappa”, I find myself repeating “chorus, chorus, chorus”. But really, the chorus is the heart of the pop song, the pinnacle, the peak, the moment in which a song can rise to another level or fall apart. ‘Get Outta My Way’ is one of those songs that would be pretty amazing anyway, but that chorus, my God! It fills my ears with joy like a thousand Christmases mixed with an orgasm mixed with that thrill I get when I see someone trip over. I don’t know what else to say, except that I worship at the altar of ‘Get Outta My Way’ and I think you should too.

KELIS

‘Acapella’

from the album Flesh Tone

Now this also boasts an amazing chorus, but in a very different way. Instead of being the climax, it is just another layer of the mini-symphony, and the genius lies in the way the chorus is woven in and out of so many other brilliant little elements. The lyrics, Kelis’ delivery, the relentless riff in the background, and that is without even thinking of the simple genius of the premise: “before you, my whole life was acapella”. If anyone has done that before I’ve never heard it and it struck me as incredibly fresh and original. Flesh Tone is a true classic and ‘Acapella’ is the album at the peak of its powers.

WILLOW SMITH

‘Whip My Hair’

Willow Smith: she whips her hair back and forth, she’s cooler than you, and her song was better than any of the songs released by all her – much older – female rivals this year (with the exception of one, which we’ll get to in a second). ‘Whip My Hair’ succeeds in every way: it’s catchy as fuck, it had a great video, it inspired an internet phenomenon, it sent pop music fans into a frenzy. Perhaps most importantly, ten-year-old Willow is never sexualised in any way: she’s ten and she’s singing about things ten-year-olds care about. She ain’t doing nothing wrong, so don’t tell her nothing. The fact that the song is so incredibly good just takes this over the edge. A novelty classic, or the start of a career that will last a lifetime? Only time (I knew Enya would show up in this list somehow) will tell, but for now we can just bathe in the glow of ‘Whip My Hair’ and all its greatness.

The 100 Best Songs Of 2010: #20-11

SCISSOR SISTERS

‘Night Work’

from the album Night Work

This album strikes a pretty good balance between fantasy and disappointing reality, and the opening track is the uplifting introduction a world that seems too good to be true. Using an extended clubbing-as-manual-labour metaphor, ‘Night Work’ slides along on a classic eighties riff and possesses perhaps the finest and most exciting chorus on the record, let alone those amazing lyrics. “You gotta keep on moving remember, this is what you asked for” – in the grand tradition of ‘Vogue’ and ‘Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough’, dancing in a club is no longer something you do for five minutes between drinking bitch beers and falling down the stairs – it is your duty and your calling.

NICKI MINAJ ft. EMINEM

‘Roman’s Revenge’

from the album Pink Friday

Oh god oh god oh god. This is the stuff dreams are made of. I get a small panic attack thinking about how much I love it. ‘Roman’s Revenge’ teams up the arguable king and queen of 2010: Eminem and Nicki Minaj, who morph into their respective alter-egos to provide us with the greatest song on Pink Friday. I could list all the best bits but I’d just be describing the song from start to finish. Of particular note are the video game sounds in the intro, the tension-filled stuttering beat, “rahh rahh, like a dungeon dragon” – oh look at me, I’m just describing the whole song. In conclusion, from the lyrics themselves to the way they are delivered with such force to Nicki’s spoken outro – everything about this is perfect.

KATIE MELUA

‘The Flood’

from the album The House

What a weird song this is. Produced by William Orbit but not sounding immediately “Orbit-ish”, ‘The Flood’ is the sort of ethereal oddball epic that leads people to screech “KATE BUSH” even though I can’t think of a Kate Bush song that really sounds anything like it. Featuring lyrics that I’ll pretend to understand and a soaring chorus that could not have been done justice by a lesser voice, ‘The Flood’ begins as a slow existential ballad, then shifts tempo to become almost a completely different song, then afterwards moves back to the style from the beginning, taking us on a little journey not unlike the musical equivalent of a fantasy film.

MICHAEL JACKSON & AKON

‘Hold My Hand’

from the album Michael

Like ‘You Rock My World’, this is one of those songs that would be number one for months if it were sung by anyone but Michael Jackson. Because the rest of his catalogue is filled with such classics, new songs that would be a dream for any new artist feel underwhelming coming from such a legend. Well sure, ‘Hold My Hand’ is really quite good, but it’s no ‘Billie Jean’, is it? Once we move on from the fact that very few songs are as good as ‘Billie Jean’, we can appreciate ‘Hold My Hand’ for what it is: a well-written and catchy R&B ballad sung by a great voice, with help from Akon, whom I don’t find as disgusting as I’ve found many other people do. I actually quike like him and his voice, so his contribution on ‘Hold My Hand’, while slightly unnecessary for a song that could easily have been done solo, gives the song just that little bit more of a kick. Either way this is the best pothumous Michael Jackson song yet.

CEE LO GREEN

‘Fuck You!’

from the album The Lady Killer

Like Motown in an alternate universe, ‘Fuck You!’ is a true classic masquerading as a novelty. Cee Lo plays our clearly hurt protagonist who hides behind big sweary outbursts instead of just accepting how upset he really is – until he breaks down halfway through, to hilarious effect. With a chorus like that, catchy and fun to yell at the top of your lungs, how could ‘Fuck You!’ have been anything less than brilliant? Instead of relying on the LOL HE SAID FUCK factor, what we have here is an expertly crafted song performed by one of the most talented vocalists I think I’ve ever heard.

HURTS

‘Stay’

from the album Happiness

Earlier this year I had to do an assignment on a new artist for my Music Business course, and I chose to analyse Hurts, and ‘Stay’ in particular. Of note was how incredibly dramatic the lyrics and production are, but all with a knowing glance to the camera, a little window in the fourth wall that tells us Hurts know exactly what they’re doing and why. Never innocent, always polished and calculated, the atmosphere and theatrics in ‘Stay’ are the key to the artistic success of the song, but you still get the feeling that a raw, stripped back version without the big drums and layered vocals may still be just as powerful. The best thing about Hurts is first and foremost the strength of their vocals and songwriting, all the rest is a bonus that takes things to another level – but the touchstone of all their work is still their talent.

KANYE WEST

‘Power’

from the album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

‘Power’ touches on so many hot topics from Kanye’s past: social injustice, paranoia, politics, how great Kanye is, how awful Kanye is, all the people who have offended him, the eternal struggle between his good and bad sides, and all with one of his most breathtaking productions. I can hardly believe how huge this all sounds, especially the centrepiece, which starts casually – “How ‘Ye doin’? I’m surviving” – and then leads into the beat dropping out ushering in that amazing King Crimson sample, then moving into what sounds like something from the Streets Of Rage Sega Genesis game soundtrack. An absolute blockbuster, ‘Power’ is superhero theme music at its finest.

KYLIE MINOGUE

‘All The Lovers’

from the album Aphrodite

Lyrically simple but surprisingly melancholy, ‘All The Lovers’ features an understated vocal performance which is framed by rich, gorgeous production and this overwhelming feeling that Kylie is growing up – I know she’s grown up before, but she’s still going – and moving on. From what? I’m not sure. But as she sings “all the lovers that have gone before…” you can feel the history in her voice, and it is a lyric that wouldn’t sound right coming from some fresh-faced Elixie DooLottle who just graduated from stage school. This is the type of pop song you need to be mature to deliver effectively, and as Kylie floats above the beat, preparing us for the orgasmic instrumental climax (the first part of the song we all heard, and also the best bit), it becomes even clearer why she survived in the industry against all odds: because she was never afraid to add extra layers, extra elements to what could have been an emotionally empty club track.

ANTOINE DODSON & THE GREGORY BROTHERS ft. KELLY DODSON

‘Bed Intruder Song’

Perhaps my favourite pop culture story of 2010 is the Ballad Of Antoine Dodson. After his sister was the victim of an attempted rape, Antoine was on the news to talk about the attacker and delivered a chilling threat: “He’s climbing in your windows, he’s snatching your people up, so y’all need to hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband, cos they’re raping everybody out here”. The hilarious nature of this mixed with his delivery made the video an instant viral hit, and when it was remixed by the Gregory Brothers, the whole thing reached a new level of fame, even making it to the Billboard Hot 100 and the BET Hip-Hop Awards. ‘Bed Intruder Song’ also happens to be one of the catchiest and most fun songs of the year, the original quote perfectly translated into autotuned bliss. It also has the bonus of being connected to a heartwarming story of something good coming from a bad situation. And call me crazy, but maybe there is more to ‘Bed Intruder Song’ than just being a fun remix of a viral video. There is – and stay with me here – a underlying sadness to the project (it was, after all, started off by an attempted rape) which is captured in the final line: “we don’t run around crying and acting sad, we just dust our shoulders off and keep on moving”, which reminds us that there are real people behind funny internet stories like this, and that not all of them are as lucky as this guy was.

NICOLE SCHERZINGER

‘Poison’

Who the fuck would have thought? With PCD dead are her solo career even deader, what was Nicole Scherzinger to do in 2010? Here’s what: rope in RedOne to give her his best non-Lady Gaga song ever, sing it like her life depended on it, and watch it become one of the best songs of the year. And suddenly, on the verge of 2011, Nicole Scherzinger looks like one of the most exciting things about the new year. There were few pop moments this year as invigorating as the desperate cry of “I got that poison! I got that poison!!” and even fewer songs that lent themselves so easily to repeated listens.